It’s the craziest thing: Hitters are crushing some of the longest home runs in baseball history. Giancarlo Stanton is a wonder. Bryce Harper is a wonder. Nolan Arenado is a wonder. On and on.
But the most memorable home run of this year — or almost any other year — is the one hit by Bartolo Colon.
It was awesome because Colon:
Looks like he should be pitching in a beer league somewhere. He’s your uncle or your dad playing Major League Baseball.
It wasn’t a cheap “wall-scraper” home run.
Is far more athletic than most people realize, and a better pitcher than most people realize, too.
Is clearly having the time of his life out there.
What is it about fat baseball players being surprisingly athletic that appeals to people so much? It’s one of the few things in baseball sportswriting everyone agrees on. Everyone who comments on sports has this affection for guys who look like they should be in the stands playing in the game. We don’t see it in other sports, really. People are mad when football or basketball get out of shape, but in baseball (which is where you’re more likely to find fans and the media believing in being a gamer and grinding it out and helping your team, and all those other cliches that turn sports into a morality play), that hardly ever extends to the fat guys.
I wonder why that is.
Interesting note that David Ortiz had a SLOWER home run the next night. Considering Ortiz has hit 500+ home runs, he’s just showboating without any of the amazement that made colon’s trot so slow.
One of my favorite (only favorite?) in-game advertisments ever was Wendy’s advertising the BACONATOR just underneath Colon whilst he was on the mount last year. He is now, and shall forevermore be, known as the Baconator at our household.
And if had been against the Giants and Mike Krukow had been calling this game he would’ve said: “And like that Bartolo just tied Duane Kuiper on the all-time home run list…”
For the anti-Colon, I give you Denny McLain. On his debut, aged 19, he hit a home run in his second plate appearance. After that he was able to win 30 games in a season, but not to hit another homer. Then there was Lew Malone, whose only homer came when he was about 18 and a half- he holds the record for this kind of thing.
Pretty sure Hoyt Wilhielm hit a HR in his first at bat and then never hit another in his 21 year career. Hoyt was a bad hitter, in his 493 plate appearances he hit .088/.139/.106. He had zero power Besides the HR, he hit 2 doubles and a triple in his 2nd year and then managed 1 other double for the remainder of his career for a career total of 5 XBH.
Wilhelm’s HR was in his first game, 3rd AB. A two run HR. No other HRs in his 21 yr career. Also, he had 3 extra base hits in his second year, including a triple. So, four XB hits in his first two years. He only had five extra base hits in his entire career. So, he had 1 extra base hit in his last 19 yrs in the league! That one’s hard to explain.
One of the greatest stories I ever heard about judging and misjudging athletic ability involved a group of young guys in a bar in Cincinnati one night who recognized two older guys knocking back a few as John Kibler and Bruce Froemming, both umpires. Now, even when Bruce was younger, he was built like a fireplug, but he was by then at least 200 pounds and maybe 5’7″ on a good day. The guys got on the umps about being out of shape and finally Kibler said Froemming could beat any of them in a hundred-foot dash. No way! So they bet on it, went in the parking lot, marked off a hundred feet, and Froemming buried the kid. Why? Because that was the distance Froemming needed to run at his top speed to do his job properly–no umpire dashes all the way out because they’re taught to stop and settle themselves to get a good look. Froemming is now 76. I suspect he could have beaten Colon around the bases.